I recently spoke at Accountex about the weight of leadership and how to create more clarity, capacity and calm in your practice.
In that presentation I shared how on top of the pressure of the workload, the deadlines and the people pressures there is also a version of leadership (or practice ownership) pressure that is less often talked about openly.
It’s a role pressure grows over time, not one that they consciously choose but rather one they gradually experience more and more that adds to the emotional and mental load of leadership. It comes from being:
The one who notices everything.
The one who steps in.
The one who keeps things moving.
The one who holds it all together.
How This Role Develops Over Time
At first, it makes sense because you care about the business, you want things done well and you want people to feel supported.
So, to be helpful you step in where needed, you take responsibility where things feel uncertain and you carry what others can’t yet hold.
For a while, it works and it relieves some of the pressure in the short term.
But over time, something begins to shift, in ways that aren’t always obvious, but there will be some small signs:
You feel more central than you want to be, more involved than you intended and more relied on than feels sustainable and even when you try to step back… it doesn’t quite work.
This is often where leaders start looking at:
- processes
- structures
- delegation
Which is natural and those things matter, but there’s something deeper sitting underneath that keeps this pattern in place… it’s identity.
When responsibility starts to build and becomes who you are
For many leaders, alongside carrying the responsibility of leadership it also becomes something that they are known for.
Being the reliable and capable one, the one people can count on, but the thing is that over time, that becomes more than behaviour, it becomes part of how you see yourself.
That means that stepping back doesn’t just feel like a practical shift it can also feel uncomfortable, unsettling, or even slightly exposing.
Why?
Because underneath it, there are quieter questions:
If I’m not the one holding everything together…what happens?
Will things drop?
Will standards change?
Will I still feel needed?
These questions aren’t always conscious or even spoken aloud, but they shape behaviour.
Why Stepping Back Feels Difficult
That is the reason why letting go isn’t actually as simple as it sounds.
From the outside, letting go is often described as, delegating more, trusting your team,
stepping back.
But from the inside, it can feel very different.
It can feel like:
- holding your breath while something plays out
- resisting the urge to step in
- sitting with things being done differently
Very few people would say that this is because they don’t trust people, and indeed most often it doesn’t feel difficult because of a lack of trust.
The uncomfortable feeling comes because you’re adjusting something deeper than the process itself, you’re adjusting your relationship with responsibility itself.
The hidden link between identity and behaviour
What you consistently do in your business is rarely just about the task in front of you.
It’s shaped by what feels right, safe, or necessary and those feelings are often connected to identity.
If being reliable matters to you, you’ll step in.
If being in control feels important, you’ll stay close.
If being supportive defines you, you’ll carry more.
Not through any conscious choice or decision making, bu tbecause it aligns with who you believe you need to be.
Where the real shift begins
Change at this level doesn’t start with doing less, it starts with noticing.
- Noticing what feels uncomfortable about stepping back.
- Noticing where you feel pulled to step in.
- Noticing what responsibility represents for you.
This doesn’t mean that you need to stop caring, withdraw support for your team, or to remove yourself totally from the business.
It’s about creating space for a different way of leading.
A version where responsibility is shared rather than held, where you offer support that doesn’t mean stepping in and where your value isn’t measured by how much you carry.
💬 A question to leave you with:
If you weren’t the one holding everything together… what would feel most uncomfortable about that?
If you’re curious about what sits underneath these patterns and how your personality shapes the way you lead, this is something I explore more deeply through my Discover Insights programmes.
