It is well documented that listening is a critical skill for a leader to have and more importantly become proficient in. In fact most will have heard the saying “you have two ears and one mouth and should use them in that proportion”.
Whilst that is true, there is also another aspect of listening that people often overlook.
Very often when people listen they are only selectively listening.
There are several ways that selective listening plays out in businesses. How many times have you had a conversation with someone and been distracted by a phone call, text or email? Or perhaps you have another internal dialogue running at the same time about another issue?
With the increased number of virtual or online meetings taking place since the pandemic there are even more chances to only be selectively listening. Instances where people are in online meetings but have the window shrunk so that they can work on emails at the same time. This is perhaps a symptom of the increased pace and push for productivity but it does limit an individuals ability to actively listen.
Another common but less acknowledged way of selective listening is where your focus is when someone is talking to you. Are you fully focused or are you simply listening out for the opportunity for you to contribute something to the conversation?
How effective is that in leadership role?
A leader’s role is to bring out the best in someone, and to engage with them on an emotional level so they will want to “follow”. Would you follow someone you did not believe was at all interested in what you had to say?
Instead, it is possible to be much more effective in listening by shifting your focus to the person speaking. By asking yourself “what will actively listening to what this person has to say do for him or her”. In fact Marshall Goldsmith states in his book, ‘What Got You Here Won’t Get You There’, that the failure to listen is the most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for colleagues.
That is a powerful statement!
I don’t believe that it is something that any leader would do intentionally, rather that listening has become more of a task or something ‘to do’.
When actually it is really about ‘being’.
What I mean by that is that when someone is talking to us then all we need to really do is be present. To sit and listen actively to what the other person is saying.
Listening requires discipline – the discipline of attention, remaining engaged and turning the focus away from ourselves to another.
So ask yourself…
Are your interactions more about “doing” or“ being”?
Are your behaviours aligned with how you want to be seen and perceived as a leader?
The best way to know if you are getting it right, is when you help the person speaking feel that they and what they have to say is incredibly valuable.
For help with developing your listening skills or inbuilding effective communication processes with your team email me joanne@smartsupportforbusiness.co.uk or call me on 0114 221 9054 and ask me about my coaching support programmes.
